Subtleties of Communication and Hidden Messages

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Reflect on Chapters 4-6 of Messages and create a blog posting that identifies how you might use the information in these readings to improve your ability to communicate with sincerity and congruence. Think about instances where you have been exposed to incongruent messages and how you felt at those times.

In your blog, use specific situations that you recall and describe changes that you would make using the technical jargon of the chapters. The goal is for you to become a more powerful communicator by understanding these common problems and deploying strategies to overcome them.

Communication is something everyone participate in both their personal and professional environment on a daily basis. Thus, one would assume that because of this “daily practice,” they are proficient in art of communication. Which may or may not be the case. The benefits of effective verbal and (especially) nonverbal communication allow for the transmission of simple and complex messages to be received and/or understood by multiple parties. On the other hand, poor communication can have devastating results that lead to misunderstanding, confusion, and economical loss of resources in the business world.

According to an SIS International Research study, the cumulative cost per year due to productivity losses resulting from communication barriers is more than $26,000 per employee. Not only that, the study found that a business with 100 employees spends an average downtime of 17 hours a week clarifying communications. Translated into dollars, that’s more than $530,000 a year (Assodesigns, 2015).

This highlights why many organizations and its leaders invest a substantial amount of resources training and developing their workforce’s communication skills and capabilities.

In Messages: the communication Skills Book, by McKay, Davis, & Fanning, 2009, the authors review important components of communication that involve body language, paralanguage, meta-messaging and hidden agendas.

Body Language: There are two ways you communicate nonverbally: with body movements such as facial expressions, gestures, and posture, and with spatial relationships, such as how much distance you put between yourself and the other person.

Paralanguage: Paralanguage is the vocal component of speech, considered apart from the verbal content. It includes pitch, resonance, articulation, tempo, volume, and rhythm.

Meta-Messaging: Many statements have two levels of meaning. One level is the basic information being communicated by a series of words. The second level, or metamessage, communicates the speaker’s attitudes and feelings. The metamessage is largely communicated by rhythm, pitch, and verbal modifiers.

Hidden Agendas: Hidden agendas are excellent defensive maneuvers if you don’t feel very good about yourself. They protect you from rejection by creating a desired impression. Over and over, they help you make a case for your essential value as a person. (McKay et al. 2009).

As a former leader in the U.S. Army, I had experience countless events (on a daily basis) that involved these vital components of communication through meeting, presentations, counseling’s, award presentations, training, and addressing large formations of troops to name a few.  After reflecting on the importance of communication as noted above by McKay et al. (2009), I have selected two examples that involved the employment of body language, paralanguage, meta-messaging and hidden agenda involving a serious situation and a lighthearted situation.

Example 1: While serving as a Military Police One Station Unit Training (MP OSUT) commander, which involved 19 weeks of training (Basic & Advance Military Training). Trainees would have to demonstrate their assimilation and proficiency in military life by meeting prescribed standards and conduct. During one cycle (19-week class), I had three trainees reach the final week of training that were on the verge of being recycled to another training class to redo certain training events or advance them into the Army and Military Police Corps. Since the decision to recycle or separate was solely at the level of my commander (supervisor), I recommended that these three trainees be recycled as a result of their marginal performance and multiple infractions that were contrary to the Army Seven Values (Leadership, Duty, Respect, Selfless Service, Honor, Integrity, and Personal Courage). I articulated my position with personal oversight examples and each of the three trainee’s personnel file that tracked their performance and disciplinary issues. After reviewing all of the information provided, my commander decided not to accept my recommendation and allow these trainees to graduate successfully. Needless to say, I was disappointed. However, I understood that there are many times as a “decision maker,” you want to give others the benefit of the doubt. Thus, as these trainees’ commander (me), I was duty bound to sign off on their training completion and issues them the Military Police Oath, which certified them as Military Police officers.

Body language: After learning that my commander elected not to recycle the three trainees, I was reluctant to accept these trainees into our profession due to their marginal performance and demonstrated character flaws that would jeopardize any cohesive unit. Moreover, I believed that we would be sending a clear message to other trainees that worked hard on a daily basis that their hard work was not necessary because we would accept subpar performers. As such, while issuing the MP Oath, I had to muster every ounce of my professionalism as a Soldier, duty bound, clear and confidently; regardless if I felt otherwise.

Paralanguage: Addressing these trainees in a professional manner as would be expected by a leader, I had to willfully control my pitch, resonance, articulation, tempo, volume, and rhythm while I administered the MP Oath and welcome them into the MP Corps. I ensured that my feeling of disappointment and resentment was not visible as to do disgrace upon what I considered a monumental event and life changing experience.

Meta-Messaging: Once I knew I would have to welcome these trainees into the MP Corps, I understood that I had to subdue my attitude and feeling and demonstrate my self-control and professionalism my commander expected of me. I keep all of my communication through the event clear, concise and refrained from using any other words or gestures that would give “voice” to my true feelings. Although I am sure that in do so, I was still unsuccessful.

Hidden Agenda: During this event, I did not present a hidden agenda. I made it perfectly clear that I did not believe that these trainees were not ready to graduate and be accepted into our Corps. I supported my position with personal observation of their performance and their personnel packet to demonstrate their need for further training and time to properly adapt into the Army.

Example 2: Last year, during our son’s preschool class, he was not listening to the teacher’s instruction and was inevitably placed in time-out for a few minutes. During this short time-out, he thought it would be a good idea to draw a mustache on his face with a permanent black marker. Not only did this compound the issue of proper and acceptable behavior in school, but he had done this on school picture day. Needless to say, he was not able to take his individual school picture (he took his picture during a planned rescheduled day), thus adding to the teacher responsibilities to make other arrangements. When his mother and I picked him up from school, we had to figure out how to address the non-compliance issue while trying not to be overtaken with the comical and very funny drawing of a mustache on his face. Doing our very best not to mitigate his behavior with our visibly entertained body language, with a straight face (mine more so than my wife’s), we ensured that he understood that such behavior is not acceptable and would not be tolerated. Afterwards we took him out to eat so he could display his artwork in public.

Body language: Attempting to be “parental,” both my wife and I did our best to control our body language as to not make light of our preschooler’s behavior. I do not believe we were totally convincing as we understood that “kids do kid things.”

Paralanguage: As with any child correction or redirection, controlling our response to address his behavior was extremely difficult; keeping a straight face with corresponding tone of voice while trying to have conversation with a preschooler that had a marker mustache on his face was futile. Nevertheless, we strengthened our displeasure more with the issue of not listening to his teacher than with his decision to draw on this face. Although we did express we didn’t appreciate it as well.

Meta-Messaging: Managing our meta-message was equally difficult. Although we were addressing negative behavior, we could not help being consume with the lightheartedness of the situation. Thus, I am sure, sending two separate messages.

Hidden Agenda: Although we attempted to make our agenda clear about our preschooler’s behavior, through our attempt to correct, I am sure that he picked up on our forgiveness and acceptance.

Knowing and understanding how our verbal and nonverbal communication affect our messages is vital to ensure effectiveness and efficiency of action(s). Of the verbal and nonverbal messages we communicate on a daily basis, nonverbal messages has the potential to illustrate what our true feelings and/or attitudes are regardless of what we may say. “Awareness of incongruence in your own nonverbal messages can make you a much more effective communicator” (McKay et al. 2009). Indeed, it is important for leaders at all levels to understand and master their communication in order to give proper weight to their true message through congruence and avoid situations that their internal feelings or attitude conflict with their intended message; creating non-congruence. Such misunderstanding and confusion could lead to the loss of resources and tragically, the loss of confidence in a leader. I believe with self-awareness, reflection, and practice, leaders of all sorts, will be able to ensure their leadership and influence will produce efficiency and harmony in any organization. “As you become aware of your own nonverbal cues, you will discover that your body language provides a wealth of information about your unconscious feelings and attitudes... With this increased awareness of your internal state, you can move to reduce your tension, rather than just continue tensing up” (McKay et al. 2009).

Reference

Ahsodesigns. (2015). Organizations Pay a High Price for Poor Communication Skills. Integrity Solutions. Retrieved from http://www.integritysolutions.com/news/organizations-pay-a-high-price-for-poor-communication-skills

McKay, Matthew; Davis, Martha; Fanning, Patrick. Messages: The Communication Skills Book. New Harbinger Publications. Kindle Edition.

Personal Reflection

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In your Reflection Blog, recall two or three situations from your childhood or early adulthood that had a formative impact on you. Describe the situations and relate how they impacted you. Pick situations that have affected how you act and feel in an organizational or team-based environment.

It’s difficult to imagine any aspect of my life that has not been shaped or impacted by my mother’s examples of sacrifice, extraordinary work ethic and kindness to others. As a single mother of three boys, my mother had her hands full, to say the least. We constantly moved and bare essentials were always scarce. In fact, ever since I can remember and even still to this day, she has always worked two jobs. Back then she did so out of necessity, but now, more to remain in movement. I saw first-hand the difficult and exhaustive efforts it took for her to provide for her family while rarely asking for help from others. Through many of the “long days” and challenging times, she remained dedicated and kind. Demonstrating to us that hard work and thoughtfulness to others is paramount. Furthermore, that even when situations arise that tax the mind, body, and soul, acting negatively outward towards others is never acceptable. Having such a powerful example has served me well throughout my own experiences in sports teams, college, military service, deployments, and now within my family. Perhaps one of the most significant benefits my mother’s efforts had on me in a personal and professional setting, can best be summed up an Ian Maclaren’s quote, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” Treating other with dignity and respect is important. That it is also important to be accountable for ourselves and those we are responsible for.

Another situation that has a significant impact on me occurred during my senior year of high school (HS). My HS football program put on its first ever pop warner youth football clinic to in order to get the community kids involved in football and with the HS. Some of us football players were asked to assist the coaches by demonstrating certain drills and being an extra set of eyes. Having always been on the player side, this was my first real experience at transferring knowledge, methods, and technique to a less experienced person (player), supervising their progress and providing constructive feedback for improvement. By the end of the event, I was mentally and physically exhausted. Constantly speaking and “coaching,” I nearly lost my voice. Regardless of my physical state, I experienced an excitement and fulfillment seeing the kids put into practice their new found skills. Going through this experience from a coaching perspective, I realized how much work they put in, how they had to be two steps ahead and constantly provide feedback for the benefit others. It was at this point, I knew that I eventually wanted to be involved in working with and developing others. This experience set the stage for me to pursue a profession in military service and law enforcement. Coaching, mentoring and training others became a very important aspect to my personal and professional life. I believe that the knowledge and experience we pass on to others is vital, especially when it creates opportunities and guides them towards excellence.  

Danger of Stories

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View the TED video Chimamanda Adichie: The danger of a single story (Links to an external site.). Adichie uses several episodes from her own life's story to deliver her powerful message. Use your blog to reflect on Adichie's message. How do you view her message in terms of what you have learned in this module?

Chimanmada Adichie delivered an important and powerful message in her TED discussion The danger of a single story. She highlights her experiences growing up reading American and British stories and how they influenced her perception when writing and drawing her story characters that were represented as foreigners that were un-relatable. “Because all I had read were book in which characters were foreigners, I had become convinced that books by their very nature had to have foreigners in them and had to be about things with which I could not personally identify” (Adichie, 2009).

Adichie provided an example of when she turned eight and her family employed a new house boy that came from a nearby village and was considered poor. Through the stories of her mother that highlighted their house boy’s poverty, Adichie began “pity” the boy’s family and was taken back when her and her mother visited the house boy’s family and saw a “beautify patterned basket” that the boy’s bother had made. Her perception and feeling of “pit” did not allow her to imagine that the “pitied” was capable of making such things. “I was startled; it had not occurred to me that anybody in his family could make something. All I had heard about them was how poor they were. So it had become impossible for me see them as anything but poor” (Adichie, 2009).

Adichie continued to provide other personal example as in which perception was shaped by singular stories such as her interaction with her roommate in college in the US and when she traveled to Mexico. Both examples highlight the “perception is reality” when created by a single story.

Reflecting on Adichie’s powerful message, I recalled a similar situation when I was deployed to Iraqi as a Police Transition Team leader responsible for training Iraqi police. During my this deployment, I distinctly remember hearing many stories about the Iraqi social and cultural differences that made them ineffective and by American standards, lazy. I made little effort or investment to know more about the rich history and cultural background about the Iraqi people because “we were going to properly train and shape their security forces.” Needless to say, with a narrow perception, frustration and sometime contempt occurred. It wasn’t until after I came home and read The Ugly American by William J. Lederer and Eugene Burdick, that I knew my approach was way off. Although The Ugly American has had countless book reviews and critiques about its link to communism and political overtone; after reading this book, I felt a spotlight placed on me and my previous methods as arrogant and ignorant. This was a difficult “pill” to swallow, but I was forced to see how a stereotype of another culture clearly affected my approach and in some cases, ineffectiveness. “The single story creates stereotypes and the problem with stereotypes is not that they are untrue, but that they are incomplete. They make one story become the only story” (Adichie, 2009). During my next deployment to Iraq, I made a significant effort to learn more about the Iraqi culture and those that I worked with. I attempted to demonstrated my human compassion by learning enough Arabic to have a simple conversation with my Iraqi counter parts. They in turn were more accepting and willing to develop a partner relationship, thus increasing my effectiveness.

The power of stories is vital in creating a connection and inspiring others; and at the same time, potentially disastrous when formulated in a singular fashion as my previous example demonstrated. Denning (2011) notes the awesome positive nature a story has he discusses the “springboard story.” “That's because a springboard story performs the most useful thing a leader can do: communicate a complex new idea and inspire action to implement it” (Denning, 2011). As leaders, not only is it important to tell the right story correctly, but to do so holistically and prevent a singular perception that would limit others interactions, growth and effectiveness.

References

Adichie, C. (2009). The danger of a single story. TEDGlobal. Retrieved from http://www.ted.com/talks/chimamanda_adichie_the_danger_of_a_single_story#t-796917

Denning, S. (2011). The Leader's Guide to Storytelling: Mastering the Art and Discipline of Business Narrative (J-B US non-Franchise Leadership). Wiley. Kindle Edition.

Stories in Your Organization

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Describe a common story in your organization and discuss its implications on the organization. Does this story promote the goals and ideals of the organization? Does it help describe "who we are and what we stand for?" What is the story's impact on the culture of the organization?

The military has many stories that echo throughout all branches of the armed forces. In fact, these stories highlight glories, dilemmas, and failures to further understand heritage and leadership lessons. Although many of these stories span all branches of the military, each branch (Army, Marines, Air Force, Navy) have their own branch specific stories that are studied and reflected upon through their respective professional military education, staff rides, case studies, and vignettes.

The importance of organizational stories goes beyond entertainment, such stories shape the organizations culture, awareness and in many cases, expectations. To understand where an organization comes from (origins) is important to establishing its foundation and place in history. Thus, the study of military history, specifically, the Revolutionary and Civil Wars are widely accepted as events that established the formation of our military and its prescribed duties. Within these historic events, during specific battles, tales of bravery and hardship are still to this day used as examples of sacrifice and honor that firmly reinforce military culture, ideals, and values. Looking at more modern day conflicts, examples of heroism and personal dilemmas are prevalent during the popular stories like Blackhawk down and Marcus Luttrell’s recount of his Seal team’s mission in Afghanistan in Lone Survivor. Existing in what is consider a “Warrior’s culture” such as in the profession of arms, the need for stories of past trials, sacrifices and triumphant missions is essential to learn from and shape present and future endeavors. Furthermore, these stories serve as means for leaders to preparing their formations for difficult challenges as they move directly into “unknown” of change or a given mission. Denning (2011), quotes Noel Tichy as saying, “The best way to get humans to venture into unknown terrain is to make that terrain familiar and desirable by taking them there first in their imaginhations.”

I believe that storytelling in an organizational setting is a vital tool for any leader. One does not have to use historical events to emphasize a point or behavior. A good leader will have the ability to see valuable lessons or events to share and celebrate with their organization/teams on a daily basis within their environment. Organizational culture and ideals are greatly reinforced with storytelling. Furthermore, it is an effective way to ensure that an organization is on the same “wave length” as the leader, as they highlight and discuss what they believe is collectively important.

Reference

Denning, Stephen. (2011). The Leader's Guide to Storytelling: Mastering the Art and Discipline of Business Narrative (J-B US non-Franchise Leadership) (p. 25). Wiley. Kindle Edition.