Subtleties
of Communication and Hidden Messages
A521.4.3.RB
Reflect on Chapters 4-6 of Messages and create a blog
posting that identifies how you might use the information in these readings to
improve your ability to communicate with sincerity and congruence. Think about
instances where you have been exposed to incongruent messages and how you felt
at those times.
In your blog, use specific situations that you recall
and describe changes that you would make using the technical jargon of the
chapters. The goal is for you to become a more powerful communicator by understanding
these common problems and deploying strategies to overcome them.
Communication is something everyone participate in both their
personal and professional environment on a daily basis. Thus, one would assume
that because of this “daily practice,” they are proficient in art of communication.
Which may or may not be the case. The benefits of effective verbal and (especially)
nonverbal communication allow for the transmission of simple and complex
messages to be received and/or understood by multiple parties. On the other
hand, poor communication can have devastating results that lead to
misunderstanding, confusion, and economical loss of resources in the business
world.
According to an SIS International Research study, the
cumulative cost per year due to productivity losses resulting from
communication barriers is more than $26,000 per employee. Not only
that, the study found that a business with 100 employees spends an average
downtime of 17 hours a week clarifying communications. Translated into dollars,
that’s more than $530,000 a year (Assodesigns, 2015).
This highlights why many organizations and its leaders
invest a substantial amount of resources training and developing their
workforce’s communication skills and capabilities.
In Messages: the
communication Skills Book, by McKay, Davis, & Fanning, 2009, the
authors review important components of communication that involve body
language, paralanguage, meta-messaging and hidden agendas.
Body Language:
There
are two ways you communicate nonverbally: with body movements such as facial
expressions, gestures, and posture, and with spatial relationships, such as how
much distance you put between yourself and the other person.
Paralanguage:
Paralanguage is the vocal component of speech, considered apart from the verbal
content. It includes pitch, resonance, articulation, tempo, volume, and rhythm.
Meta-Messaging:
Many statements have two levels of meaning. One level is the basic information
being communicated by a series of words. The second level, or metamessage,
communicates the speaker’s attitudes and feelings. The metamessage is largely
communicated by rhythm, pitch, and verbal modifiers.
Hidden Agendas:
Hidden agendas are excellent defensive maneuvers if you don’t feel very good
about yourself. They protect you from rejection by creating a desired
impression. Over and over, they help you make a case for your essential value
as a person. (McKay et al. 2009).
As a former leader in the U.S. Army, I had experience
countless events (on a daily basis) that involved these vital components of
communication through meeting, presentations, counseling’s, award
presentations, training, and addressing large formations of troops to name a
few. After reflecting on the importance of
communication as noted above by McKay et al. (2009), I have selected two
examples that involved the employment of body language, paralanguage,
meta-messaging and hidden agenda involving a serious situation and a
lighthearted situation.
Example 1:
While serving as a Military Police One Station Unit Training (MP OSUT)
commander, which involved 19 weeks of training (Basic & Advance Military
Training). Trainees would have to demonstrate their assimilation and
proficiency in military life by meeting prescribed standards and conduct.
During one cycle (19-week class), I had three trainees reach the final week of
training that were on the verge of being recycled to another training class to
redo certain training events or advance them into the Army and Military Police
Corps. Since the decision to recycle or separate was solely at the level of my
commander (supervisor), I recommended that these three trainees be recycled as
a result of their marginal performance and multiple infractions that were contrary
to the Army Seven Values (Leadership, Duty, Respect, Selfless Service, Honor,
Integrity, and Personal Courage). I articulated my position with personal
oversight examples and each of the three trainee’s personnel file that tracked
their performance and disciplinary issues. After reviewing all of the
information provided, my commander decided not to accept my recommendation and
allow these trainees to graduate successfully. Needless to say, I was disappointed.
However, I understood that there are many times as a “decision maker,” you want
to give others the benefit of the doubt. Thus, as these trainees’ commander
(me), I was duty bound to sign off on their training completion and issues them
the Military Police Oath, which certified them as Military Police officers.
Body
language: After learning that my commander elected not to
recycle the three trainees, I was reluctant to accept these trainees into our
profession due to their marginal performance and demonstrated character flaws
that would jeopardize any cohesive unit. Moreover, I believed that we would be
sending a clear message to other trainees that worked hard on a daily basis
that their hard work was not necessary because we would accept subpar
performers. As such, while issuing the MP Oath, I had to muster every ounce of
my professionalism as a Soldier, duty bound, clear and confidently; regardless
if I felt otherwise.
Paralanguage: Addressing
these trainees in a professional manner as would be expected by a leader, I had
to willfully control my pitch, resonance, articulation, tempo, volume, and
rhythm while I administered the MP Oath and welcome them into the MP Corps. I
ensured that my feeling of disappointment and resentment was not visible as to
do disgrace upon what I considered a monumental event and life changing
experience.
Meta-Messaging: Once
I knew I would have to welcome these trainees into the MP Corps, I understood
that I had to subdue my attitude and feeling and demonstrate my self-control
and professionalism my commander expected of me. I keep all of my communication
through the event clear, concise and refrained from using any other words or
gestures that would give “voice” to my true feelings. Although I am sure that
in do so, I was still unsuccessful.
Hidden
Agenda: During this event, I did not present a hidden agenda.
I made it perfectly clear that I did not believe that these trainees were not
ready to graduate and be accepted into our Corps. I supported my position with personal
observation of their performance and their personnel packet to demonstrate
their need for further training and time to properly adapt into the Army.
Example 2:
Last year, during our son’s preschool class, he was not listening to the
teacher’s instruction and was inevitably placed in time-out for a few minutes.
During this short time-out, he thought it would be a good idea to draw a
mustache on his face with a permanent black marker. Not only did this compound
the issue of proper and acceptable behavior in school, but he had done this on
school picture day. Needless to say, he was not able to take his individual
school picture (he took his picture during a planned rescheduled day), thus
adding to the teacher responsibilities to make other arrangements. When his mother
and I picked him up from school, we had to figure out how to address the non-compliance
issue while trying not to be overtaken with the comical and very funny drawing
of a mustache on his face. Doing our very best not to mitigate his behavior
with our visibly entertained body language, with a straight face (mine more so
than my wife’s), we ensured that he understood that such behavior is not acceptable
and would not be tolerated. Afterwards we took him out to eat so he could display
his artwork in public.
Body
language: Attempting to be “parental,” both my wife and I did
our best to control our body language as to not make light of our preschooler’s
behavior. I do not believe we were totally convincing as we understood that “kids
do kid things.”
Paralanguage: As
with any child correction or redirection, controlling our response to address
his behavior was extremely difficult; keeping a straight face with
corresponding tone of voice while trying to have conversation with a
preschooler that had a marker mustache on his face was futile. Nevertheless, we
strengthened our displeasure more with the issue of not listening to his teacher
than with his decision to draw on this face. Although we did express we didn’t appreciate
it as well.
Meta-Messaging: Managing
our meta-message was equally difficult. Although we were addressing negative
behavior, we could not help being consume with the lightheartedness of the
situation. Thus, I am sure, sending two separate messages.
Hidden
Agenda: Although we attempted to make our agenda clear about
our preschooler’s behavior, through our attempt to correct, I am sure that he
picked up on our forgiveness and acceptance.
Knowing and understanding how our verbal and nonverbal
communication affect our messages is vital to ensure effectiveness and efficiency
of action(s). Of the verbal and nonverbal messages we communicate on a daily
basis, nonverbal messages has the potential to illustrate what our true
feelings and/or attitudes are regardless of what we may say. “Awareness of
incongruence in your own nonverbal messages can make you a much more effective
communicator” (McKay et al. 2009). Indeed, it is important for leaders at all
levels to understand and master their communication in order to give proper
weight to their true message through congruence and avoid situations that their
internal feelings or attitude conflict with their intended message; creating non-congruence.
Such misunderstanding and confusion could lead to the loss of resources and
tragically, the loss of confidence in a leader. I believe with self-awareness,
reflection, and practice, leaders of all sorts, will be able to ensure their leadership
and influence will produce efficiency and harmony in any organization. “As you
become aware of your own nonverbal cues, you will discover that your body
language provides a wealth of information about your unconscious feelings and
attitudes... With this increased awareness of your internal state, you can move
to reduce your tension, rather than just continue tensing up” (McKay et al.
2009).
Reference
Ahsodesigns. (2015). Organizations Pay a High Price for
Poor Communication Skills. Integrity Solutions. Retrieved from http://www.integritysolutions.com/news/organizations-pay-a-high-price-for-poor-communication-skills
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