Making Contact

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How comfortable are you striking up a conversation with someone new? Are you able to "work a room" with ease? In your blog, reflect on aspects of your personality and/or upbringing which make you able to relate to strangers easily—o r not so easily. What lessons can you take from Chapter 14 of Messages to improve your ability to connect with others?

Making contact with others and being able to strike up a conversation is an important social skill, at least so I have learned as I have matured personally and professionally. Growing up, I was considered standoffish and more reserved compared to my peers when around new people. I had always participated with team sports, so I was comfortable interaction among those I knew and those that belonged to like groups. Yet, during the latter years of high school and early years of college, being around and meeting new people became more of the rule.

Also during this time, I began interning and volunteering with local law enforcement departments and various juvenile court offices. I observed and experienced firsthand how effective one could be in a stressful situation when they possessed the ability to communicate with others they had never met before. Furthermore, many of these public service professionals championed their cause by meeting other professionals and networking; thus extending their influence and reach.

The two biggest communication obstacles I worked to improve and sharpen was my body language and active listening. According to McKay, Davis, & Fanning (2009), “One of the biggest ways you can turn people off is through body language. Shy people characteristically avoid eye contact, keep a blank and expressionless face, and physically retreat from others” (p. 209). So in an effort to promote an openness and inviting posture, I would actively monitor my body language to ensure my arms and legs didn’t instinctively cross. “Crossed arms and legs indicate a defensive, protective position, while an open posture indicates a willingness to listen” (McKay et al, 2009, p. 210). Moreover, because I was not a fan of “small talk,” I typically wanted to get to the point of the conversation as soon as possible as a result of my internal fears and monologue. This method hardly lent itself towards a joyous and effective conversation. As noted by McKay et al (2009), “The inability to listen is the most common cause of conversational disaster. Some people can’t listen because they are preoccupied with their fears of embarrassment, others are perennially preparing their next remark, and still others fail to listen because they are too busy advising or winning an argument” (p. 214). Thus, to incorporate active listening, I applied effort towards listening to others stories, point of view, I would ask questions, and clarifying what I thought they were saying. “It should be clear that listening is more than merely keeping your mouth shut. You carefully attend to what is said, you remember it, and you feed it back” (McKay et al, 2009, p. 214).

With much practice and a lot of trial & error, I have been able to improve my ability to strike up a conversation with a perfect stranger without creating a socially awkward situation. One benefit of being able to speak with strangers is learning something new from someone or experiencing the fun in expanding one’s curiosity. “Prying is fun. It helps you satisfy your curiosity and also get more information so you can keep the conversation going’ (McKay et al, 2009, p. 217).

Reference

McKay, M., Davis, M., Fanning, P., (2009). The Communication Skills Book. New Harbinger Publications. Kindle Edition.