Becoming a Resonant Leader

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Compose a reflection blog in the form of a letter to yourself. In the letter, briefly state your personal vision and list at least three learning goals, three milestones for each goal, actions steps for each milestone, and list key people who will support you to achieve the learning goals.

Marco,

I hope this note finds you doing well and healthy. The purpose for this letter is to revisit an important stage in your life when you had the courage to dream big and live outside of your comfort zone by pursuing your Masters in Leadership. You made the right decision for you and your family, even though at times the sacrifice seemed large.

You have always possessed tenacity when perusing your goals, and because I know you as well as I do, I am sure that this quality remains deep in the marrow of your bones. Another important quality you possess was evident in your personal vision of making a positive impact with youth and within public service. While you have done a great job up until now, I am glad you recognized that you had more to contribute even after your service to this great nation was complete.

Pursuing your Master in Leadership was one of your major learning goals. Through this process, you learned important aspects and concepts of leadership that enhanced your ability to lead others; but most importantly you learned so much more about yourself and areas you needed to improve to become a better leader. While you have reached the milestones of being accepted into the right leadership program and making it half way through the program, you are about to embark on the final important milestone of putting what you have learned together into your capstone project. It is equally important to draw inspiration from and collaborate with those who have the greatest impact on you as you go forward. Remember, their feedback is key and because you trust these loved ones and mentors with your best interests, listen to what they have to say.

I understand that you have experienced many ups and downs in your quest to become a better leader. In order to achieve your objective of positively impacting others, you need to continuously be mindful and refine your lens. Never stop learning and growing. You can accomplish this with milestones such as additional leadership training and education. Fortunately for you, you are quick to act in matters of self-development. You have reached the milestones of attending leadership training with the Dale Carnegie Training organization and with incorporating meditation into your daily life, which has brought on the benefits of mindfulness and peace. I implore you to further pursue your growth with other organizations such as the Center for Creative Leadership. You have had you eye on attending one or multiple programs with this organization, regardless of cost and time, make the investment to expand your leadership abilities. You have take the right steps in creating an action plan, I want to ensure you follow through with where your passion leads you.

One of the most important take-aways from your leadership program is the value and benefits of healthy relationships. I am aware of the apprehension you have about people and their need to fulfill their own self-interests; I was there with you remember. You inevitably came to the conclusion that helping others is a calling you have had throughout your life. Take it upon yourself to shed any fears and open yourself to others as they will need you to deliver on your commitment. You learned that leading with compassion was a new concept that really spoke to you. Learn more about this process, refine it, and employ it where you need it. This is one milestone worth the journey. Another milestone is to continue using the Intentional Change Theory that help you identify your ideal self and real self. The action steps you developed from this has been positive. Thus, I am sure that it will continue to help you at any stage you may be at. Another milestone would be to expand your circle of influence by creating new and meaningful relationships. There is obviously no set number in relationships, but focus on the meaningfulness and how they influence you. Reciprocate this influence and reach out to others with mindfulness and compassion. Just remember you would not be where you are now if someone didn’t do it with you.

Surrounding yourself with good people has always been one of your mantras. Continue to do so. Your family has redefined who you are and has become your center of gravity. Honor this and cherish it; give your family the attention it needs as they will provide the balance necessary while leading others. You have learned the consequences of living out of balance; the hardships that sacrifice syndrome and dissonance has on you and those around you. There is no amount of money or privileges worth traveling down that road again. You have worked hard to reestablish resonance within yourself, keep working on it. Take time for renewal and value the internal peace it provides. Most importantly, share this with your family. They deserve it.

My best wishes,

Marco

Personal Balance Sheet

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Create a reflection blog that discusses your personal balance sheet that summarizes your assets and liabilities. 

My distinctive strengths (Things I know I do well and strengths that others see in me).

One of the strengths I have consistently relied on in my personal and professional life is my work ethic. I enjoy working through complex issues to find suitable solutions. Within this context, I employ other areas of my strengths such as an analytical thought process, collaboration, and communication. Moreover, genuinely caring for others has help me to develop both working relationships and meaningful relationships.

My potential Strengths (things I could do better or more often if I focused, or things I do well in some situations and could begin to apply more broadly).

I believe that I could do better with maintaining a work/life balance. As I noted above, my work ethic has served as a “double edged sward” in the past. In other words, when I am committed to a task or a project, I have been known to go in at full speed. This has led to me entering the sacrifice syndrome and subsequently dissonance. Although I have established a work/life balance that supports my family obligations, there are times when I need to remind myself to take a step back and keep the big picture in focus. I have learned throughout this course that renewal is key to resonance and longevity. Resonant leaders, according to Boyatzis & McKee (2005), “They give of themselves in the service of the cause, but they also care for themselves, engaging in renewal to ensure they can sustain resonance over time” (p. 2). This has been one of the most important lessons and concepts I have taken away for this course. My aim is to ensure this remains central in my efforts to become a better person and leader.

My Enduring Dispositions that support me (traits, habits, behaviors that I do not want to change and that help me to be successful).

I believe that it is important to leverage traits, habits, and behaviors that have contributed to my growth and success. I also believe it is important to know which one or more (is needed in a given situation). In other words, leaders must have a deep tool bag that they can use in various situations. Thus, I am always on the look out to learn other or new methods, habits, or behaviors that can potentially impact a successful outcome. This curiousness and willingness to live outside of my comfort zone is an enduring disposition I will rely on as I seek to grow personally and professionally.

My weaknesses (things I know I don’t do well and I want to do better).

I enjoy working with others that love what they do and go out of their way to help others and the team. One weakness I have is dealing with those that are single minded and/or are only concerned with their own interests. As a leader, I find that my patience and desire to work with these types of individuals is limited. Furthermore, as a leader I understand that it is their duty to set the conditions for others to succeed, regardless of their personalities or attitudes. Helping them to shift their thinking and improve their performance is essential for all leaders. Thus, with self-awareness and compassion, I believe I could improve my effectiveness with my frame of mind working with all types of people.

Weaknesses I want to Change (things I know I don’t do well and want to change).

As noted above, working with reluctant and self-centered people can be daunting. Learning about the Intentional Change Theory (ICT) in this course has improved my feeling of doing so because it requires the user to work through the five discoveries. Furthermore, it goes beyond coaching for compliance and focuses on coaching with compassion. This process was new to me and I believe that this is the correct approach. Thus, I feel confident and more at ease with the thought of working with others only focused on their own needs/situation.

My enduring dispositions that sometimes get in my way (traits, habits, behaviors that I do not want to change and that sometimes cause me to be less effective).

Having extensively worked with those mainly concerned with their own interests has created a barrier to keep their negativity and destructiveness at bay. At some point, it has extended to others that I may not know very well. This barrier is one habit and behavior I know needs to change. It once served as a protective measure and now served little benefit moving out from a law enforcement field into a professional setting. Having become aware of this barrier and the feelings associated with it has allowed me to have better control behavior. With this awareness and shifting my frame of mind towards other approaches such as the ICT, I believe I can further limit its negative effects and utilize this approach for positive gains.

Reference

Boyatzis, R. & McKee, A. (2005). Resonant Leadership (5^th ed.). Harvard Business Press.

Appreciating Your “Real Self”

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After completing the exercises, compose a reflection blog on what you learned about your lifeline, social identities, strengths, and roles.

This week we have been reflecting and exploring our “Real Self.” After completing a series of exercises from our course text of Becoming a Resonant Leader by McKee, Boyatzis, & Johnston (2008), a unique and better overall picture of my real self was developed. Unique in the sense of combining major events throughout my life, personal and professional, with other important factors on a liner timeline that included: transition phases, highpoints, struggles, periods of achievements and regrets, career highlights and boredom, social identity and roles, strengths and areas I avoid. While I tend to naturally reflect on many of these life events for growth and development purposes, I have never combined these events and factors on one timeline; thus, producing a holistic picture. Needless to say, this experience was insightful and enlightening as I reflected deeper into real self. According to Scott Taylor (2006), “The definition of the real self takes into account the observations of self and others (p. 644). The reason this process is important is because it is an essential step (discovery) in the Intentional Change Theory (ICT) provided by Boyatzis (2006), which also includes: 1) the ideal self, 2) the real self, 3) learning agenda and plan, 4) experimentation and practice with new behaviors, thoughts and feelings, and 5) trusting or resonant relationships (p. 613). Indeed, “Effective change involves mindful awareness of who you currently are” (McKee, Boyatzis, Johnston, 2008, p. 111).

As I laid out the major events on my timeline as part of the “How did I get there?” a basic picture developed that included education, military experiences, and family. When I began including other important factors such as highpoints, struggles, accomplishments, regrets, and times I felt happy, lost, or confused, a different picture soon evolved. As I recalled many of these major events, I couldn’t help but reflect on these highs and lows (mental & emotional) and the valuable life lessons they provided. While I closely followed my dreams and asperations of coming out of high school, earning a degree on college, and commissioning into the U.S. Army, there were many bumps in the road but nothing that side tracked my direction. I believe this was due to my strong desire to leave home and create my own path in public service. Initially, I aimed to become a law enforcement officer, however, I found my place when I adjusted my sights towards military service as a military police officer. Throughout my military service, again, there were many events that provided high and low points. Yet, I was in an environment and profession I believed was important (meaningful) and suited my goals of becoming a servant leader.

Throughout my life I have experienced a handful of transitional periods. The first was graduation high school and moving on to a major university. While I was ill prepared academically, I struggled with the level of work required during my first year. Eventually, I had to work twice as hard to make up for my deficiencies at another college, but doing so provide a valuable opportunity for me to improve myself academically and to play college football. During this transitional period, I was able to elevate my academic abilities to the level of making the Dean’s List for six consecutive semesters. Furthermore, it provided the situation in which to mature and prepare to enter the Army ROTC.

A second transitional period occurred as I prepared to enter the Army as a commissioned officer. While I continued to mature and grow during my final years in college and Army ROTC, as a junior leader with no military experience, one is rarely prepared for the demands that awaited. Putting my noise against the grindstone and learning from my NCO’s, I began to feel my way through military life and responsibilities. This period was very important as it laid the foundation of my service and leadership aspirations.

A third transitional period occurred when I got married. By this time, I had established myself as a leader in the Army for ten years and I arrived at a point where I was finally prepared to embark on a long-term relationship. My wife, Erica, also a military leader, provided a balance that I avoid for so long. Up until this point, I was mainly concerned with my career duties and responsibilities. Erica introduced another side of life that I was not accustom to. In other words, I had to learn to be in a relationship other than my military career. This was a welcome transition and continues to fulfill my desire to be a better person; to include being a father and husband.

As I moved on to the “Rhythm of my Career” exercise, it clearly represented my desire for public service. In high school and throughout college, I did not work for any significant amount of time. Instead, I was determined to gain real world experience(s) in law enforcement, so I volunteered and interned with my local police department, sheriff’s office, and the U.S. Marshal’s service. Looking further down my career path/timeline, it showed the demands of military service as I moved from one position of leadership to the next every 2-3 years. During my time in service, I rarely found myself in a bored state as I enjoyed the constant activity of moving across the country, leadership challenges, professional growth/development, and combat deployments. This high tempo of living suited me as a single young man and it feed my desire for achievement. Since I have been retired from active duty and now have a family, I have immersed myself in my graduate program and family obligations. This situation brings upon two conflicting feelings. The first is the lack of meaningful career responsibilities. The second is the meaningful opportunity to enjoy family responsibilities and self-development (investment) through education. Nevertheless, there are times when it is necessary for me to take a step back and reflect on the importance of family and education that will inevitably pay off in the long term and not rush into a career that will force me to balance work and family priorities. Furthermore, I realize how fortunate I am to have such a dilemma.

During the “Social Identity and Roles,” I laid out many of the groups and roles I belong in and how they affect me. Of the listed identities and roles, being a father is at the top of the list. Second is being a husband, followed by being a veteran (military police). These identities and roles play a significant role in who I am and the values I exercise. Each of these, respectively, provide its own driving force and purpose in my journey of becoming a better person and leader. The other identities and roles listed involve me due to my situation, circumstances, or activities, however they are subordinate to my top priorities as noted above.

Another important aspect of this process was to identify “Strengths I see in Myself.” After reflecting on this and the many major events throughout my life (and timeline), I would say that being able to preserver through adversity has been a significant strength. While there have been instances where I reached my culminating point during turbulent events, I have always been able to focus on the way ahead through reflection and sometime will alone. Another strength I believe is noteworthy is my comfort with testing my limits and living outside of my comfort zone. I have always enjoyed challenging myself in many areas just to identify my own shortcomings. Moreover, I have been fortunate to have good people around me to provide their guidance and mentorship. I believe this is also a strength. By creating meaningful relationship with others I consider to be great examples of leaders, parents, teachers, and “good people” overall, I have been able to tap into their experiences and perspectives to better understand myself and my direction. This leads to some of the feedback that I have received from others as far as what strengths they have recognized in me. I have had many people (on many occasions) express their awe when they realize where I came from (humble beginnings) and the dysfunctional environment that I grew up in. Many have noted how my drive and focus has provided the fuel to preserve and overcome many challenges (social, economic, developmental). Career wise, superiors, peers, and subordinates have also noted through feedback that my consideration for the welfare of others was important to them. Also, the pragmatic approach I take towards working through issues; thus, fostering trust and accountability.

Now as a retired veteran and graduate student with a young family, I find myself in a position of being more selective with the people and activities that require my time and effort. In other words, I limit my exposure or outright avoid unproductive and superficial activities and relationships that are not in-line with my immediate priorities of family, school, and future career goals. By becoming more aware of ideal self and real self, I feel that I am better able to accurately evaluate the conditions that separate meaningful relationships and activities with those that are not. This process is constant and continuously improving as it mirrors the same highly active process of learning more about myself and others.

References

Boyatzis, R. E. (2006). An overview of intentional change from a complexity perspective. The Journal of Management Development, 25(7), 607-623. doi:http://dx.doi.org.ezproxy.libproxy.db.erau.edu/10.1108/02621710610678445

McKee, A., Boyatzis, R., & Johnston, F. (2008). Becoming a Resonant Leader (8^th ed.). Harvard Business Press.

Taylor, S. N. (2006). Why the real self is fundamental to intentional change. The Journal of Management Development, 25(7), 643-656. doi:http://dx.doi.org.ezproxy.libproxy.db.erau.edu/10.1108/02621710610678463