The High Cost of Conflict
A632.6.3.RB
Reflect on a personal or business situation in which
the cost of conflict was significantly greater than you would've preferred.
Analyze the situation in relation to Stewart Levine's 10 principles of new
thinking (p. 46). How would this have changed the situation? Could it have
reduced the cost of conflict? What lessons did you learn from this exercise?
A situation the occurred a
few years back where the cost of conflict was higher than I desired involved my
effort to help one of my brothers who was having a difficult time at home. After
speaking with my mother about some of the issues my brother was going through,
I asked how she felt if I were to have my brother live with me in order to
provide a new environment for a new start. At the time, I was in the military
and stationed across the country, so a structured environment and separation
from a volatile environment was something I could provide. Not to mention the
supported and accountable family member.
After a few months, my
brother initiated steps to improve his situation such as gainful employment and
even enrolling in a local community college. Furthermore, he was exposed to
activities that were not feasible or valued in his previous environment like
fishing, traveling, and being around other personally and professionally driven
adults.
Unfortunately, while I
was away from a two-week training event, my brother felt it would be a good
idea to return home for a visit. After listening to his plan from more than
five states away, I highly recommended that he not return home, to the
environment in which he left until he was better suited to deal with same
stressors that contributed to his situation. Moreover, I explained that I would
be back in a week at which point we could come up with a plan that would better
ensure a positive visit.
Regardless of my
recommendation and concerns, my brother decided to return home while I was away
and found himself in the same situation I described that awaited him. He
rekindled emotional disputes and many of his valuable were taken in the place
he was staying. Needless to say, after I returned back to my home, I received a
call from my brother indicating all of the issues that occurred and that he
planned to fly back to my home. I explained that there was no need for him to
return. I expressed my concern with him not taking my recommendation that would
have prevented his situation. Furthermore, because it was so easy for him to disregard
my time and effort to assist him in the first place, I was extremely concerned
what the next situation would look like.
After reflecting on this
event and the Ten Principles of New Thinking by Levine (2009), which include:
1) Believing in abundance
2) Creating partnership
3) Being creative
4) Fostering sustainable collaboration
5) Becoming open
6) Forming long-term
collaborations
7) Relying on feelings
and intuition
8) Disclosing information
and feelings
9) Learning throughout
the resolution process
10) Becoming ResponseAble
I believe I would have
been able to handle the situation more effectively. For instance, I feel I
could have used more empathy (or awareness) for my brother’s need to want to
visit home. He was across the country living a new place with new people trying
new things. Perhaps he felt the need to reconnect with something I did not see
or understand because being in the military, new places, new people, new things
were the norm. Furthermore, I am sure that there may have been a more
productive resolution to the situation than immediately committing to my
decision to no longer provide assistance because my recommendation was not
heeded. Through this exercise and this week’s assignments, it has become clear
to me that my beliefs and ideas about “resolutions” have been shaped in an unconscious
way that associates it with winning and losing. According to Levine (2009):
The first step in the
conflict resolution model is developing the attitude of resolution. This means
choosing the thinking embodied in the ten principles. The attitude is developed
by listening, sharing concerns, and knowing there is an agreement waiting to be
discovered. The attitude of resolution is the opposite of thinking about
winning or losing (p. 109).
Reference
Levine, S. (2009). Getting to resolution: Turning conflict
into resolution. Berrett-Koehler Publishers. Kindle Edition.