The High Cost of Conflict

A632.6.3.RB

Reflect on a personal or business situation in which the cost of conflict was significantly greater than you would've preferred. Analyze the situation in relation to Stewart Levine's 10 principles of new thinking (p. 46). How would this have changed the situation? Could it have reduced the cost of conflict? What lessons did you learn from this exercise?

A situation the occurred a few years back where the cost of conflict was higher than I desired involved my effort to help one of my brothers who was having a difficult time at home. After speaking with my mother about some of the issues my brother was going through, I asked how she felt if I were to have my brother live with me in order to provide a new environment for a new start. At the time, I was in the military and stationed across the country, so a structured environment and separation from a volatile environment was something I could provide. Not to mention the supported and accountable family member.

After a few months, my brother initiated steps to improve his situation such as gainful employment and even enrolling in a local community college. Furthermore, he was exposed to activities that were not feasible or valued in his previous environment like fishing, traveling, and being around other personally and professionally driven adults.

Unfortunately, while I was away from a two-week training event, my brother felt it would be a good idea to return home for a visit. After listening to his plan from more than five states away, I highly recommended that he not return home, to the environment in which he left until he was better suited to deal with same stressors that contributed to his situation. Moreover, I explained that I would be back in a week at which point we could come up with a plan that would better ensure a positive visit.

Regardless of my recommendation and concerns, my brother decided to return home while I was away and found himself in the same situation I described that awaited him. He rekindled emotional disputes and many of his valuable were taken in the place he was staying. Needless to say, after I returned back to my home, I received a call from my brother indicating all of the issues that occurred and that he planned to fly back to my home. I explained that there was no need for him to return. I expressed my concern with him not taking my recommendation that would have prevented his situation. Furthermore, because it was so easy for him to disregard my time and effort to assist him in the first place, I was extremely concerned what the next situation would look like.

After reflecting on this event and the Ten Principles of New Thinking by Levine (2009), which include:

1) Believing in abundance

2) Creating partnership

3) Being creative

4) Fostering sustainable collaboration

5) Becoming open

6) Forming long-term collaborations

7) Relying on feelings and intuition

8) Disclosing information and feelings

9) Learning throughout the resolution process

10) Becoming ResponseAble

I believe I would have been able to handle the situation more effectively. For instance, I feel I could have used more empathy (or awareness) for my brother’s need to want to visit home. He was across the country living a new place with new people trying new things. Perhaps he felt the need to reconnect with something I did not see or understand because being in the military, new places, new people, new things were the norm. Furthermore, I am sure that there may have been a more productive resolution to the situation than immediately committing to my decision to no longer provide assistance because my recommendation was not heeded. Through this exercise and this week’s assignments, it has become clear to me that my beliefs and ideas about “resolutions” have been shaped in an unconscious way that associates it with winning and losing. According to Levine (2009):

The first step in the conflict resolution model is developing the attitude of resolution. This means choosing the thinking embodied in the ten principles. The attitude is developed by listening, sharing concerns, and knowing there is an agreement waiting to be discovered. The attitude of resolution is the opposite of thinking about winning or losing (p. 109).

Reference

Levine, S. (2009). Getting to resolution: Turning conflict into resolution. Berrett-Koehler Publishers. Kindle Edition.