Working with EI: Getting Results!

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Watch the two videos on emotional intelligence by Daniel Goleman.  Goleman describes the four dimensions of EI: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and social skill.  Develop a reflection blog that focuses on the four EI dimensions.  Discuss how each of these applies to you, your strengths, areas that you need to develop, and how the dimensions have helped or hindered you in your performance and/or career.

Emotional intelligence (EI) is generally accepted as a key indicator of success for leaders, oppose to IQ. EI consists of four domains, which includes: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness (empathy), and social skill (Goleman, 2012). While many leaders may naturally possess and use one or multiple domains as part of their leadership style, developing and exercising all domains typically increases ones’ overall effectiveness and success. According to Daniel Goleman and Richard Boyatzis (2017), “In order to excel, leaders need to develop a balance of strengths across the suite of EI competencies. When they do that, excellent business results follow” (par. 6).

Of the four domains of EI, I believe that self-awareness and self-management are areas that I have enjoyed the most success with. On the other hand, social awareness (empathy) and social skill are the two areas I have identified as present, but needing additional development. As I highlight each domain below, I will include how these domains have been strengths or a part of my weaknesses.

Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is the area that allows us to know what we are feeling and why we are feeling it (Goleman, 2012). This is extremely important when we experience negative emotions that have the potential of impacting our behaviors, decision making, and those around us. By knowing and understanding the source of negative feelings (or emotions), we are better able to limit its consequences. For example, some time ago, I was chosen to lead a new initiative for my organization that involved input from key leaders at various levels. Over the course of eight months, the key leaders and I met regularly to discuss planning, resources, logistics, and manpower. Countless hours had been invested by the time we approached the designated start date. Prior to initiating the program, a handful of new folks joined the committee and had to play catch up on our progress. I distinctively recall during one meeting, one of the new individuals to the committee began discussing shortages of essential equipment that had already been identified and a plan was in place to fill the shortages. As I was sitting there listening to this person discuss their observation, I immediately felt irritated because they were talking about “step three” while we were on “step thirty.” I became aware of my displeasure and realized that they were just trying to contribute. By knowing and understanding where my feeling of irritation was stemming from, I was able to limit the effects of my irritation and focus instead on moving forward with our progress.

Self-Management

Self-management is having the ability to effectively deal with negative or distressing emotions and finding ways to become optimistic (Goleman, 2012). For example, during my time in the military, leaders were expected to attend military balls. Personally, I never really enjoyed the atmosphere of large social/professional gatherings. I understood that these functions celebrated traditions and promoted esprit de corps, what always crossed my mind was either how much productive work I could be getting done or how much time I could have spent with my family outside of the work environment. Nevertheless, knowing that those I led would be required to attend as I was, I had to make a conscience effort to not let my negative feeling about attending affect others. In fact, I would always make it a point to go around and ensure that my folks (subordinates) were having a good time. In essence, instead of feeling negative about the situation (self-management), I chose to use the situation as a leader to ensure their well-being and to make their time fun.

Social Awareness (Empathy)

Social awareness or empathy is having the ability to know what someone else if feeling (Goleman, 2012). As I noted above, this one area I feel could use more development. While this domain is present, being an achievement/task oriented person, this aspect tends to require focus and effort on my part. For example, I have a stepson that has been diagnosed with ADHD and needs more redirection and reminders than the typical eight-year-old. “ADHD is a biological condition that makes it hard for many children to sit still and concentrate” (Morin, n.d., par. 3). There are many occasions when either my wife or I ask our son to do simple tasks (put something away, clean up after himself, pay attention) and he shows difficulty completing them. As with any parent, sometimes our initial reaction is to correct him instead of using known ADHD recommended approaches. Needless to say, this constant reaction to correct can potentially cause misunderstandings and disconnection. Thus, after much reflection and trying to see the situation from his point of view (empathy), I began to research ADHD and employ different recommended strategies that align with our son’s attention and impulsiveness. Because I was able to take a step back and empathize with our son’s situation, I believe we as a family have able to accomplish effective communication and understanding, which has further led to harmony.

Social Skill

Social skill (or relationship management) how we interact and bring all the domains together when working with others (Goleman, 2012). Relationships and our interactions account for a lot when in a leadership role. Moreover, over time and leadership levels, I have gained more appreciation for developing and nurturing meaningful relationships as my influence has widened. As an introvert, I typically insert myself when and where needed. However, sometime as a leader, it is just important to be visible and vocal on matters that those we lead deem important. Thus, in order to become a more effective and influential leader, I have learned to make time to interact with other beyond business of the day. This, I have found, creates better lines of communication and team work.

References

Goleman, D. (2012). Daniel Goleman Introduces Emotional Intelligence. Big Think. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7m9eNoB3NU

Goleman, D. and Boyatzis, R. (2017, February 6). Emotional Intelligence Has 12 Elements. Which do you need to work on? Harvard Business Review. Retrieved from https://hbr.org/

Morin, A. (n.d.) Re: Understanding ADHD. [Blog post]. Retrieved from https://www.understood.org/en/learning-attention-issues/child-learning-disabilities/add-adhd/understanding-adhd