Becoming a Resonant Leader

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Compose a reflection blog in the form of a letter to yourself. In the letter, briefly state your personal vision and list at least three learning goals, three milestones for each goal, actions steps for each milestone, and list key people who will support you to achieve the learning goals.

Marco,

I hope this note finds you doing well and healthy. The purpose for this letter is to revisit an important stage in your life when you had the courage to dream big and live outside of your comfort zone by pursuing your Masters in Leadership. You made the right decision for you and your family, even though at times the sacrifice seemed large.

You have always possessed tenacity when perusing your goals, and because I know you as well as I do, I am sure that this quality remains deep in the marrow of your bones. Another important quality you possess was evident in your personal vision of making a positive impact with youth and within public service. While you have done a great job up until now, I am glad you recognized that you had more to contribute even after your service to this great nation was complete.

Pursuing your Master in Leadership was one of your major learning goals. Through this process, you learned important aspects and concepts of leadership that enhanced your ability to lead others; but most importantly you learned so much more about yourself and areas you needed to improve to become a better leader. While you have reached the milestones of being accepted into the right leadership program and making it half way through the program, you are about to embark on the final important milestone of putting what you have learned together into your capstone project. It is equally important to draw inspiration from and collaborate with those who have the greatest impact on you as you go forward. Remember, their feedback is key and because you trust these loved ones and mentors with your best interests, listen to what they have to say.

I understand that you have experienced many ups and downs in your quest to become a better leader. In order to achieve your objective of positively impacting others, you need to continuously be mindful and refine your lens. Never stop learning and growing. You can accomplish this with milestones such as additional leadership training and education. Fortunately for you, you are quick to act in matters of self-development. You have reached the milestones of attending leadership training with the Dale Carnegie Training organization and with incorporating meditation into your daily life, which has brought on the benefits of mindfulness and peace. I implore you to further pursue your growth with other organizations such as the Center for Creative Leadership. You have had you eye on attending one or multiple programs with this organization, regardless of cost and time, make the investment to expand your leadership abilities. You have take the right steps in creating an action plan, I want to ensure you follow through with where your passion leads you.

One of the most important take-aways from your leadership program is the value and benefits of healthy relationships. I am aware of the apprehension you have about people and their need to fulfill their own self-interests; I was there with you remember. You inevitably came to the conclusion that helping others is a calling you have had throughout your life. Take it upon yourself to shed any fears and open yourself to others as they will need you to deliver on your commitment. You learned that leading with compassion was a new concept that really spoke to you. Learn more about this process, refine it, and employ it where you need it. This is one milestone worth the journey. Another milestone is to continue using the Intentional Change Theory that help you identify your ideal self and real self. The action steps you developed from this has been positive. Thus, I am sure that it will continue to help you at any stage you may be at. Another milestone would be to expand your circle of influence by creating new and meaningful relationships. There is obviously no set number in relationships, but focus on the meaningfulness and how they influence you. Reciprocate this influence and reach out to others with mindfulness and compassion. Just remember you would not be where you are now if someone didn’t do it with you.

Surrounding yourself with good people has always been one of your mantras. Continue to do so. Your family has redefined who you are and has become your center of gravity. Honor this and cherish it; give your family the attention it needs as they will provide the balance necessary while leading others. You have learned the consequences of living out of balance; the hardships that sacrifice syndrome and dissonance has on you and those around you. There is no amount of money or privileges worth traveling down that road again. You have worked hard to reestablish resonance within yourself, keep working on it. Take time for renewal and value the internal peace it provides. Most importantly, share this with your family. They deserve it.

My best wishes,

Marco

Personal Balance Sheet

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Create a reflection blog that discusses your personal balance sheet that summarizes your assets and liabilities. 

My distinctive strengths (Things I know I do well and strengths that others see in me).

One of the strengths I have consistently relied on in my personal and professional life is my work ethic. I enjoy working through complex issues to find suitable solutions. Within this context, I employ other areas of my strengths such as an analytical thought process, collaboration, and communication. Moreover, genuinely caring for others has help me to develop both working relationships and meaningful relationships.

My potential Strengths (things I could do better or more often if I focused, or things I do well in some situations and could begin to apply more broadly).

I believe that I could do better with maintaining a work/life balance. As I noted above, my work ethic has served as a “double edged sward” in the past. In other words, when I am committed to a task or a project, I have been known to go in at full speed. This has led to me entering the sacrifice syndrome and subsequently dissonance. Although I have established a work/life balance that supports my family obligations, there are times when I need to remind myself to take a step back and keep the big picture in focus. I have learned throughout this course that renewal is key to resonance and longevity. Resonant leaders, according to Boyatzis & McKee (2005), “They give of themselves in the service of the cause, but they also care for themselves, engaging in renewal to ensure they can sustain resonance over time” (p. 2). This has been one of the most important lessons and concepts I have taken away for this course. My aim is to ensure this remains central in my efforts to become a better person and leader.

My Enduring Dispositions that support me (traits, habits, behaviors that I do not want to change and that help me to be successful).

I believe that it is important to leverage traits, habits, and behaviors that have contributed to my growth and success. I also believe it is important to know which one or more (is needed in a given situation). In other words, leaders must have a deep tool bag that they can use in various situations. Thus, I am always on the look out to learn other or new methods, habits, or behaviors that can potentially impact a successful outcome. This curiousness and willingness to live outside of my comfort zone is an enduring disposition I will rely on as I seek to grow personally and professionally.

My weaknesses (things I know I don’t do well and I want to do better).

I enjoy working with others that love what they do and go out of their way to help others and the team. One weakness I have is dealing with those that are single minded and/or are only concerned with their own interests. As a leader, I find that my patience and desire to work with these types of individuals is limited. Furthermore, as a leader I understand that it is their duty to set the conditions for others to succeed, regardless of their personalities or attitudes. Helping them to shift their thinking and improve their performance is essential for all leaders. Thus, with self-awareness and compassion, I believe I could improve my effectiveness with my frame of mind working with all types of people.

Weaknesses I want to Change (things I know I don’t do well and want to change).

As noted above, working with reluctant and self-centered people can be daunting. Learning about the Intentional Change Theory (ICT) in this course has improved my feeling of doing so because it requires the user to work through the five discoveries. Furthermore, it goes beyond coaching for compliance and focuses on coaching with compassion. This process was new to me and I believe that this is the correct approach. Thus, I feel confident and more at ease with the thought of working with others only focused on their own needs/situation.

My enduring dispositions that sometimes get in my way (traits, habits, behaviors that I do not want to change and that sometimes cause me to be less effective).

Having extensively worked with those mainly concerned with their own interests has created a barrier to keep their negativity and destructiveness at bay. At some point, it has extended to others that I may not know very well. This barrier is one habit and behavior I know needs to change. It once served as a protective measure and now served little benefit moving out from a law enforcement field into a professional setting. Having become aware of this barrier and the feelings associated with it has allowed me to have better control behavior. With this awareness and shifting my frame of mind towards other approaches such as the ICT, I believe I can further limit its negative effects and utilize this approach for positive gains.

Reference

Boyatzis, R. & McKee, A. (2005). Resonant Leadership (5^th ed.). Harvard Business Press.

Appreciating Your “Real Self”

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After completing the exercises, compose a reflection blog on what you learned about your lifeline, social identities, strengths, and roles.

This week we have been reflecting and exploring our “Real Self.” After completing a series of exercises from our course text of Becoming a Resonant Leader by McKee, Boyatzis, & Johnston (2008), a unique and better overall picture of my real self was developed. Unique in the sense of combining major events throughout my life, personal and professional, with other important factors on a liner timeline that included: transition phases, highpoints, struggles, periods of achievements and regrets, career highlights and boredom, social identity and roles, strengths and areas I avoid. While I tend to naturally reflect on many of these life events for growth and development purposes, I have never combined these events and factors on one timeline; thus, producing a holistic picture. Needless to say, this experience was insightful and enlightening as I reflected deeper into real self. According to Scott Taylor (2006), “The definition of the real self takes into account the observations of self and others (p. 644). The reason this process is important is because it is an essential step (discovery) in the Intentional Change Theory (ICT) provided by Boyatzis (2006), which also includes: 1) the ideal self, 2) the real self, 3) learning agenda and plan, 4) experimentation and practice with new behaviors, thoughts and feelings, and 5) trusting or resonant relationships (p. 613). Indeed, “Effective change involves mindful awareness of who you currently are” (McKee, Boyatzis, Johnston, 2008, p. 111).

As I laid out the major events on my timeline as part of the “How did I get there?” a basic picture developed that included education, military experiences, and family. When I began including other important factors such as highpoints, struggles, accomplishments, regrets, and times I felt happy, lost, or confused, a different picture soon evolved. As I recalled many of these major events, I couldn’t help but reflect on these highs and lows (mental & emotional) and the valuable life lessons they provided. While I closely followed my dreams and asperations of coming out of high school, earning a degree on college, and commissioning into the U.S. Army, there were many bumps in the road but nothing that side tracked my direction. I believe this was due to my strong desire to leave home and create my own path in public service. Initially, I aimed to become a law enforcement officer, however, I found my place when I adjusted my sights towards military service as a military police officer. Throughout my military service, again, there were many events that provided high and low points. Yet, I was in an environment and profession I believed was important (meaningful) and suited my goals of becoming a servant leader.

Throughout my life I have experienced a handful of transitional periods. The first was graduation high school and moving on to a major university. While I was ill prepared academically, I struggled with the level of work required during my first year. Eventually, I had to work twice as hard to make up for my deficiencies at another college, but doing so provide a valuable opportunity for me to improve myself academically and to play college football. During this transitional period, I was able to elevate my academic abilities to the level of making the Dean’s List for six consecutive semesters. Furthermore, it provided the situation in which to mature and prepare to enter the Army ROTC.

A second transitional period occurred as I prepared to enter the Army as a commissioned officer. While I continued to mature and grow during my final years in college and Army ROTC, as a junior leader with no military experience, one is rarely prepared for the demands that awaited. Putting my noise against the grindstone and learning from my NCO’s, I began to feel my way through military life and responsibilities. This period was very important as it laid the foundation of my service and leadership aspirations.

A third transitional period occurred when I got married. By this time, I had established myself as a leader in the Army for ten years and I arrived at a point where I was finally prepared to embark on a long-term relationship. My wife, Erica, also a military leader, provided a balance that I avoid for so long. Up until this point, I was mainly concerned with my career duties and responsibilities. Erica introduced another side of life that I was not accustom to. In other words, I had to learn to be in a relationship other than my military career. This was a welcome transition and continues to fulfill my desire to be a better person; to include being a father and husband.

As I moved on to the “Rhythm of my Career” exercise, it clearly represented my desire for public service. In high school and throughout college, I did not work for any significant amount of time. Instead, I was determined to gain real world experience(s) in law enforcement, so I volunteered and interned with my local police department, sheriff’s office, and the U.S. Marshal’s service. Looking further down my career path/timeline, it showed the demands of military service as I moved from one position of leadership to the next every 2-3 years. During my time in service, I rarely found myself in a bored state as I enjoyed the constant activity of moving across the country, leadership challenges, professional growth/development, and combat deployments. This high tempo of living suited me as a single young man and it feed my desire for achievement. Since I have been retired from active duty and now have a family, I have immersed myself in my graduate program and family obligations. This situation brings upon two conflicting feelings. The first is the lack of meaningful career responsibilities. The second is the meaningful opportunity to enjoy family responsibilities and self-development (investment) through education. Nevertheless, there are times when it is necessary for me to take a step back and reflect on the importance of family and education that will inevitably pay off in the long term and not rush into a career that will force me to balance work and family priorities. Furthermore, I realize how fortunate I am to have such a dilemma.

During the “Social Identity and Roles,” I laid out many of the groups and roles I belong in and how they affect me. Of the listed identities and roles, being a father is at the top of the list. Second is being a husband, followed by being a veteran (military police). These identities and roles play a significant role in who I am and the values I exercise. Each of these, respectively, provide its own driving force and purpose in my journey of becoming a better person and leader. The other identities and roles listed involve me due to my situation, circumstances, or activities, however they are subordinate to my top priorities as noted above.

Another important aspect of this process was to identify “Strengths I see in Myself.” After reflecting on this and the many major events throughout my life (and timeline), I would say that being able to preserver through adversity has been a significant strength. While there have been instances where I reached my culminating point during turbulent events, I have always been able to focus on the way ahead through reflection and sometime will alone. Another strength I believe is noteworthy is my comfort with testing my limits and living outside of my comfort zone. I have always enjoyed challenging myself in many areas just to identify my own shortcomings. Moreover, I have been fortunate to have good people around me to provide their guidance and mentorship. I believe this is also a strength. By creating meaningful relationship with others I consider to be great examples of leaders, parents, teachers, and “good people” overall, I have been able to tap into their experiences and perspectives to better understand myself and my direction. This leads to some of the feedback that I have received from others as far as what strengths they have recognized in me. I have had many people (on many occasions) express their awe when they realize where I came from (humble beginnings) and the dysfunctional environment that I grew up in. Many have noted how my drive and focus has provided the fuel to preserve and overcome many challenges (social, economic, developmental). Career wise, superiors, peers, and subordinates have also noted through feedback that my consideration for the welfare of others was important to them. Also, the pragmatic approach I take towards working through issues; thus, fostering trust and accountability.

Now as a retired veteran and graduate student with a young family, I find myself in a position of being more selective with the people and activities that require my time and effort. In other words, I limit my exposure or outright avoid unproductive and superficial activities and relationships that are not in-line with my immediate priorities of family, school, and future career goals. By becoming more aware of ideal self and real self, I feel that I am better able to accurately evaluate the conditions that separate meaningful relationships and activities with those that are not. This process is constant and continuously improving as it mirrors the same highly active process of learning more about myself and others.

References

Boyatzis, R. E. (2006). An overview of intentional change from a complexity perspective. The Journal of Management Development, 25(7), 607-623. doi:http://dx.doi.org.ezproxy.libproxy.db.erau.edu/10.1108/02621710610678445

McKee, A., Boyatzis, R., & Johnston, F. (2008). Becoming a Resonant Leader (8^th ed.). Harvard Business Press.

Taylor, S. N. (2006). Why the real self is fundamental to intentional change. The Journal of Management Development, 25(7), 643-656. doi:http://dx.doi.org.ezproxy.libproxy.db.erau.edu/10.1108/02621710610678463

ICT at the Team Level

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Using the concepts within ICT focused on the team level, reflect on why the Olympic US Women’s Soccer team won so often and the US Dream Team basketball men’s team did so poorly in 2000 and 2004?

The United States (US) is known to field stellar teams for the Olympics in both women’s soccer and men’s basketball. Much of this can be attributed to the quality of talent and excellent coaching each sport possesses. So how has the US women’s soccer team achieved the success they have had on recent years while the US men’s basketball team have struggled to live up to standard established by the infamous “Dream Team” of the 1990’s? This topic will be explored as it relates to the Intentional Change Theory (ICT) at the team level.

Group development for any team is crucial. Team dynamics and the way it establishes its identity is in large part how it leaders shape the learning/training environment. Moreover, through the course of a team’s life, many experiences and events reveal the certain team patterns; this is especially true as it relates to the ICT. According to Akrivou and Boyatzis (2006), “Although each iteration is characterized by a similar cycle of discovery, over time, there is a shift to distinct patterns in a way which makes group development appear unique for each group” (p. 697). The five discoveries involved include: 

1. Emergence of shared ideal, vision, or dream
2. Exploration of norms, paradoxes, challenges, and gaps
3. The group’s learning agenda
4. Group experimentation and practice
5. Resonant Relationships (Akrivou & Boyatzis, 2006, p. 699-701)

When viewed through this context, the US women’s national soccer team has enjoyed global success by winning four gold medals and one silver in recent Olympic games and set records for winning streaks and goals scored (Ussoccer.com, 2016). While the popularity of US women’s soccer team has grown significantly over the past decades, many of the players do not demand the same main-stream attention as other sports. This factor may contribute to the US women’s soccer team’s unity and shared vision for success. For example, many players were developed and nurtured through soccer programs and leagues that feed into the US soccer national team, which has led to its premier status (Litterer, 2011). This process has provided the conditions for players and coaches to develop and experience the five discoveries as noted above.

While the men’s basketball Dream Team of 2000 and 2004 may have been filled with talent, factors of individualism and lack of developmental time may have prevented it from living up to expectations. The US men’s national/Olympic mainly consist of superstars in the National Basketball Association (NBA). Thus, they typically are the center of their team’s attention and have numerous sponsorships. As such, many of these superstars expect to carry their teams on their back and learn to value individual performance. The 2004 Olympic team, According to Brad Raun (2012), “This team had talent, but it was severely lacking in guard play.  Iverson (2.5 assists per game) and Marbury (3.4 apg) were score-first point guards that did little to get teammates involved” (par. 5). Furthermore, the assembled for the 2004 games had less than a month to prepare and work with each other. According to Carmelo Anthony "In '04, we had two weeks to put that team together, go to Greece and play and try to win a gold medal," he continues, "We had a weird group of guys on that team, guys that didn't know each other, guys that were young and coming into the league, and it didn't work" (as cited in Bontemps, 2016, par. 5). It becomes clear that even with a team full of talent, without the group development through ICT, any team may fail to achieve its goal.

Reference

Akrivou, K., Boyatzis, B., & McLeod, P. (2006) "The evolving group: towards a prescriptive theory of intentional group development", Journal of Management Development, Vol. 25 Issue: 7, pp.689-706, https://doi.org/10.1108/02621710610678490

Bontemps, T. (2016, July 21). Born from the fires of 2004 failures, Team USA Basketball now built to last. Chicago Tribune. Retrieved from http://www.chicagotribune.com/

Litterer, D. (2011, August 17). Women’s Soccer History in the USA: An Overview. Retrieved from http://homepages.sover.net/~spectrum/womensoverview.html

Raun, B. (2012, June 24). From Dream Team to Nightmare: Ranking the USA Basketball Teams. Bleacher Report. Retrieved from http://bleacherreport.com/

Women’s National Team. (2016, August 05). A History of the U.S. WNT at the Olympic Games. Retrieved from http://www.ussoccer.com/stories/2016/08/05/19/54/160805-wnt-a-history-of-the-usa-at-the-olympic-games

Tipping Points of Emotional Intelligence

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In your reflection blog, share instances where you have experienced a tipping point at work. When you experienced the tipping point, describe how positive or negative emotional attractors played a role in it.

• What was the situation?
• What did you do?
• What was the result?
• What would you do differently?

Tipping points are important factors that affect the intentional change process as it relates to Positive Emotional Attractors (PEA) and Negative Emotional Attractors (NEA) for desired and sustained change or development. Both PEA and NEA play an important role in what Boyatzis, Rochford, and Taylor (2015) identify as distinguishing and pursuing “self” within the change process. According to Boyatzis et al (2015, p.3), “The ideal self is comprised of three main components: (1) an image of a desired future that is (2) emotionally fuelled by hope, and (3) reflects a person’s core identity.” Conversely, “the ought self is someone else’s desire or interpretation of what a person’s ideal self should be (Boyatzis and Akrivou, 2006) (as cited by Boyatzis et al, 2015, p. 3).

Within this context, one distinct situation where I experienced a tipping point occurred while I was deployed and serving as an aide to a senior leader. Nearing the end of our sixteen-month deployment, my boss (senior leader) pulled me into his office and he began discussing options for my required career level professional military education (PME); in this case he was referring to the Military Police Captains Career Course (MPCCC).

In the military, leaders are expected to attend PME that is commensurate to their time (in service) and grade (rank). For me, the next logical step would be to attend the six-month long MPCCC where I would be exposed to MP topics, concepts, and strategies. Having served in a joint environment (during this deployment) and observed my potential for greater responsibility, my boss recommended that I consider attending the Marine Corps Expeditionary Warfare School (EWS) in lieu of the MPCCC. EWS was the Marine Corps’ version of the required PME, which was nine months long and consisted of combined arms doctrine. “Combined Arms are the appropriate combinations of infantry, mobile protected firepower, offensive and defensive fires, engineers, Army aviation, and joint capabilities” (Maneuver Self Study Program, 2014, par. 3). In essence, I would forego a six-month program on topics I was comfortable and well versed on for a more rigorous nine-month program on topics I had little exposure with.

My boss, again having a firm grasp of my work ethic and desire for continued growth, highlighted the importance this course of action would have on my ideal self; thus, PEA. Furthermore, he noted that this experience would be essential as I ascended to higher ranks and responsibilities. That learning my branch (MP) specific competencies was important, attending EWS would provide a greater understanding of military operations (ground, naval, & air) and leadership competencies that would have a greater impact on me holistically. Thus, I began reflecting more on this opportunity and my concept of “self” as it related to ideal self and ought self as noted above. According to Boyatzis et al. (2015, p. 3):

First, while a prevention focus (ought self) might spur a person to action to achieve short-term outcomes, any behavioral change approached from a loss/non-loss situation is unlikely to be maintained in the long term. Ironically, change actually requires a willingness to ‘lose’ a current state in order to move to a new, desired state (ideal self).

After much consideration, I decided to act on my boss’ recommendation and attend EWS with the frame of mind of achieving a greater perspective on the profession of arms and avoiding the comfort of “ought self.” This decision paid off greatly as I was exposed to a higher level of military operations and leadership challenges that I would not have acquired attending the MPCCC. Furthermore, this experience widened my perspective of how MP assets (among other assets) could better leverage operations, thus, setting me apart from many of my peers. This tipping point was a key event in the change process that closed the gap between “real self” and “ideal self.”

References

Boyatzis, R. E., Rochford, K., & Taylor, S. N. (2015). The role of the positive emotional attractor in vision and shared vision: toward effective leadership, relationships, and engagement. Frontiers in Psychology, 6, 670. http://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2015.00670

Maneuver Self Study Program. (2014). United States Army. Retrieved from http://www.benning.army.mil/MSSP/Combined%20Arms%20Operations/

Working with EI: Getting Results!

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Watch the two videos on emotional intelligence by Daniel Goleman.  Goleman describes the four dimensions of EI: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and social skill.  Develop a reflection blog that focuses on the four EI dimensions.  Discuss how each of these applies to you, your strengths, areas that you need to develop, and how the dimensions have helped or hindered you in your performance and/or career.

Emotional intelligence (EI) is generally accepted as a key indicator of success for leaders, oppose to IQ. EI consists of four domains, which includes: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness (empathy), and social skill (Goleman, 2012). While many leaders may naturally possess and use one or multiple domains as part of their leadership style, developing and exercising all domains typically increases ones’ overall effectiveness and success. According to Daniel Goleman and Richard Boyatzis (2017), “In order to excel, leaders need to develop a balance of strengths across the suite of EI competencies. When they do that, excellent business results follow” (par. 6).

Of the four domains of EI, I believe that self-awareness and self-management are areas that I have enjoyed the most success with. On the other hand, social awareness (empathy) and social skill are the two areas I have identified as present, but needing additional development. As I highlight each domain below, I will include how these domains have been strengths or a part of my weaknesses.

Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is the area that allows us to know what we are feeling and why we are feeling it (Goleman, 2012). This is extremely important when we experience negative emotions that have the potential of impacting our behaviors, decision making, and those around us. By knowing and understanding the source of negative feelings (or emotions), we are better able to limit its consequences. For example, some time ago, I was chosen to lead a new initiative for my organization that involved input from key leaders at various levels. Over the course of eight months, the key leaders and I met regularly to discuss planning, resources, logistics, and manpower. Countless hours had been invested by the time we approached the designated start date. Prior to initiating the program, a handful of new folks joined the committee and had to play catch up on our progress. I distinctively recall during one meeting, one of the new individuals to the committee began discussing shortages of essential equipment that had already been identified and a plan was in place to fill the shortages. As I was sitting there listening to this person discuss their observation, I immediately felt irritated because they were talking about “step three” while we were on “step thirty.” I became aware of my displeasure and realized that they were just trying to contribute. By knowing and understanding where my feeling of irritation was stemming from, I was able to limit the effects of my irritation and focus instead on moving forward with our progress.

Self-Management

Self-management is having the ability to effectively deal with negative or distressing emotions and finding ways to become optimistic (Goleman, 2012). For example, during my time in the military, leaders were expected to attend military balls. Personally, I never really enjoyed the atmosphere of large social/professional gatherings. I understood that these functions celebrated traditions and promoted esprit de corps, what always crossed my mind was either how much productive work I could be getting done or how much time I could have spent with my family outside of the work environment. Nevertheless, knowing that those I led would be required to attend as I was, I had to make a conscience effort to not let my negative feeling about attending affect others. In fact, I would always make it a point to go around and ensure that my folks (subordinates) were having a good time. In essence, instead of feeling negative about the situation (self-management), I chose to use the situation as a leader to ensure their well-being and to make their time fun.

Social Awareness (Empathy)

Social awareness or empathy is having the ability to know what someone else if feeling (Goleman, 2012). As I noted above, this one area I feel could use more development. While this domain is present, being an achievement/task oriented person, this aspect tends to require focus and effort on my part. For example, I have a stepson that has been diagnosed with ADHD and needs more redirection and reminders than the typical eight-year-old. “ADHD is a biological condition that makes it hard for many children to sit still and concentrate” (Morin, n.d., par. 3). There are many occasions when either my wife or I ask our son to do simple tasks (put something away, clean up after himself, pay attention) and he shows difficulty completing them. As with any parent, sometimes our initial reaction is to correct him instead of using known ADHD recommended approaches. Needless to say, this constant reaction to correct can potentially cause misunderstandings and disconnection. Thus, after much reflection and trying to see the situation from his point of view (empathy), I began to research ADHD and employ different recommended strategies that align with our son’s attention and impulsiveness. Because I was able to take a step back and empathize with our son’s situation, I believe we as a family have able to accomplish effective communication and understanding, which has further led to harmony.

Social Skill

Social skill (or relationship management) how we interact and bring all the domains together when working with others (Goleman, 2012). Relationships and our interactions account for a lot when in a leadership role. Moreover, over time and leadership levels, I have gained more appreciation for developing and nurturing meaningful relationships as my influence has widened. As an introvert, I typically insert myself when and where needed. However, sometime as a leader, it is just important to be visible and vocal on matters that those we lead deem important. Thus, in order to become a more effective and influential leader, I have learned to make time to interact with other beyond business of the day. This, I have found, creates better lines of communication and team work.

References

Goleman, D. (2012). Daniel Goleman Introduces Emotional Intelligence. Big Think. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7m9eNoB3NU

Goleman, D. and Boyatzis, R. (2017, February 6). Emotional Intelligence Has 12 Elements. Which do you need to work on? Harvard Business Review. Retrieved from https://hbr.org/

Morin, A. (n.d.) Re: Understanding ADHD. [Blog post]. Retrieved from https://www.understood.org/en/learning-attention-issues/child-learning-disabilities/add-adhd/understanding-adhd

Am I a Resonant Leader

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After completing the exercise, you will now have likely discovered that many people operate on poor assumptions on what great leadership is.  You now realize that emotions do matter. From your work assignment, you have a greater self-awareness of your status as a resonant leader.   Resonant leaders need to be highly self-aware, manage themselves in stressful and complex environments, empathize with others, and lead others to get the job done.

Based on the workbook exercise, post to your blog describing what surprises you discovered about yourself when completing the exercise. Cite examples where you feel you fell short.

Do I create an overall positive emotional tone that is characterized by hope? How?

Creating a positive tone characterized by hope is important to me and something that I have devoted much time and energy to improve. This area of leadership was not always foremost in my mind as a young man. For example, as a young leader, I was very achievement orientated. My drive to excel far outweighed my desire to develop positive and meaningful relationships. However, as I gained valuable experience and risen to an organizational leadership level, developing positive relationships and influencing was the key factor in success.

My first step to improve connecting with others and developing a positive tone was to expand my point of view about relationships, what success meant to me, and how I could best increase my influence. In other words, I began by becoming more mindful. According to McKee, Boyatzis, & Frances (2008), “Mindfulness means learning to live in a state of reflection and openness, in which we are tuned in to self, others, and our environment. Not only has being more mindful benefited my ability to develop positive relationships, it has also adjusted my aim for achievement to include connecting with others.

Am I in touch with others? Do I really know what is in others’ hearts and on their minds? How do I show this?

As noted above, connecting with others beyond the typical casual conversation is a work in progress. Being in touch with others is the surest way to make meaningful connections and provide the best feedback or guidance (if needed). One key element in knowing what’s in other’s hearts and minds is to observe and listen. For example, we send off many key signals when we communicate. One of my strengths is having to ability to identify (listen & observe) what is being communicated and how it is being communicated to better interpret someone’s message. When we genuinely care about being in touch with others, we are better suited to picking up on these elements.

Do I regularly experience and demonstrate compassion? How?

Demonstrating compassion is another area that I have worked diligently to improve. There was a time, as a young man, I thought being emotional and showing compassion were linked; and I was hardly the emotional type. I have identified the folly in my understanding between being emotional and showing compassion. Demonstrating compassion has proven to be essential when working with others, especially when leading others. Demonstrating compassion plays a significant role in the humane dynamics. According to McKee et al. (2008), “Compassion is empathy in action. Like hope, it sparks positive physiological changes that counter the negative effects of stress” (p. 39). One of the most effective ways I have learned to demonstrate compassion is to play an active role in those around me. In other words, I seek to learn more about them, what they value, share experiences, and shoulder a burden if necessary. Those that are truly grateful tend to perform much more effectively.

Am I authentic and in tune with myself, others, and the environment? How can people see this in me?

I believe myself to be self-aware and sure in my values, which contributes to my authenticity. I have always been willing to seek experiences that are challenging and keep me out of my comfort zone. I have found that doing so helps to reveal my strengths and weaknesses. For example, not being particular found of heights, I took flying lessons; not being a fan of enclosed spaces, I went out and earned a scuba certification; not know about a topic, I read a book about it. In other words, I had identified many of my own limitations and decided to meet them head-on. Through these wonderful and challenging experiences, I learned how to positively “self-talk” and remain focused; learning so much more about myself. Mckee et al. (2008) notes that, “Good leaders know their strengths, limitations, values, and principles. They believe in their own capability and convey self-assurance and efficacy” (p. 26). This strategy has helped shape my leadership style in a way that relates to other’s challenges and apprehension. Yet, at the same time, being able to promote and reinforce their strengths to overcome their weakness. Furthermore, for some, having an example of meeting challenges head-on provides the necessary “push” for them to take action. In fact, I have had many people share their thoughts on how some of my examples has inspired them to seek out their own strengths and limitations. Something about it resonated with them enough to learn more about themselves.

Reference

McKee, A., Boyatzis, R. & Frances, J. (2008). Becoming a Resonant Leader (8^th ed.). Harvard Business Press.